I was given a pound cake. It is a very large, very tasty, very, very heavy, large home made pound cake. Did I mention how large it is? I know why I was given the cake. Because I'm a very good friend. And . . . because my friend is in love and is trying hard to not pack on the pounds herself. Is that bitchy? Well, I really do like this friend, even if it is bitchy to give me a pound cake just because she doesn't want to be responsible for eating the whole thing. I hope she still likes me even if it is bitchy of me to think she had less than truly pure gifting intentions and to say so. Publicly.
I concede I could be wrong. Not about me being bitchy, that's a given, but about her intentions. I'm not wrong. But, I could be. Do you ever just know things? See straight through and know the truth? Ever been wrong about it? I have. So, I try to see through all the obvious whatevers and implications and just enjoy. I mean, it's a pound cake. What's not to like? It's got nuts, coconut, lemon, walnuts and something else I just can't yet identify. A pound of butter went into it. It's huge. It easily weighs way more than a pound. And it's delicious. The crust is just a tad crunchy and buttery. The inside is firm and soft all at the same time. The walnuts add a nice texture and truly ARE good for me.
AND I AM ON MY WAY INTO EATING THE WHOLE DAMN THING. Did I mention how big it is? I don't need to eat any of it, much less all of it. I could freeze it. I could take it to some senior center, to the physical therapy center, to church on Sunday (it's Wednesday and it and I will not last together until Sunday). There are a number of options. Top of my list is to go get some ice cream to go with it (because it just really doesn't taste good enough on its own??? NOT. but because I am indeed a HOGOHOLIC).
Webster has offered to take it off my hands, with rousing agreements by Savannah and Emmy to help. That's no solution. I could exert self restraint, freeze pieces, have some every now and then - but we all know how lame it is to try to thaw out a piece of pound cake in a hurry.
So, to make matters worse, my landlady/bff's cleaning lady (and fine friend herself) just brought me a present - home made cranberry relish. A HUGE container FULL of home made cranberry relish. It has orange, and nuts, and cranberries and I don't know what all. She's on a diet too. She made the relish and then met somebody and now she's trying not to pack on the holiday pounds. I am the beneficiary of the best made Christmas eating intentions gone awry. Guess I should have considered the gift receiving ramifications before publicly declaring myself a hogoholic.
Guess what? Cranberry relish on pound cake is really, really, really, really good. I bet that if I got some vanilla ice cream, put it on the pound cake, and warmed up the cranberry relish, then poured it over the top, it would take me six months to work off all the pounds, only if I never ate anything ever again.