Love is Not a Choice

Have you ever been in love? Did you fall into it? Or did you choose? Did you go out and scope out the landscape to decide who would be the best person to love? Did you ask for references? A relationship resume? Or was it more like Some Enchanted Evening: you saw a stranger across a crowded room and somehow you knew, you knew even then, that you would see her/him again and again.

I never once chose to fall in love. I sometimes fought against it with every fiber of my being. The last time, I had to walk away from it and it took about all I had. I have soared beyond the moon and I have faced the gates of hell. All for love. Sometimes even with the same person. I look around and wonder who chooses to fall in love. Who would? Sure, that first blush is grand and glorious - there is no drug like it, there is no greater high, no bigger rush, no finer thing in all creation. But then, after that, there's the whole working out which side of the bed, who cleans the bathroom, who pays this bill, who gives up what furniture.

Divorce is the most loathsome area of practice in the courts. Divorce clients are never happy because love gone bad is every bit as passionate as first love, but turned ugly. Divorce clients are never happy because courts never issue orders allowing you to mow down your ex with a tank. Divorce only highlights the reality that people never choose to fall in love. Nobody would choose to fall in love with a man who would beat her unmercifully or a woman who would run through his money, kidnap the children and sell them to strangers for sex. Yet, day in and day out, people do fall in love with just those sorts of people.

Newt was married, twice, when he started extra-marital affairs. Did he choose to do that? Did he consciously wake up one day and say "You know, enough of this. I want to lose my mind over some dumb blonde and screw my wife out of all she has left?" Mind you, I'm not so sure he didn't. But, more plausibly, did Mariane wake up one day and say "Newt! Yep, he's married, he's a dog, but I think I'll totally ruin my life and throw it away on total shithead, wtf!"  No way. Something hit her like an arrow out of the blue and she was a total goner.

We can blame it on Cupid, if we like. Frankly, that's the most plausible explanation I've heard so far. Some little bozo with wings shooting arrows nails you. That's how it feels - coming and going. Love is all well and good, but sooner or later, inevitably and always, love HURTS and it hurts BAD. No sane person would choose that. It's why most people DON'T become heroin addicts. No matter how good the high, it is not worth the low.  Luckily, heroin doesn't catch your eye across the crowded room, rush over and inject itself into your veins. Love does.

Let 'Em Bleed

As a writer, I have (on occasion) toyed with the idea of what it would be like to be a serial killer. The idea of someone who kills, has blood on her hands, legs, face, who for whatever reason, in joy, horror or desperation, thrives on the taking of life. Frankly, I just don't relate. Sure, there were times when I was quiting smoking that I did relish the thought of separating one or twenty assholes from their mortal coils, but who hasn't? In any event, we just don't do it. Now, I have discovered, that one might maybe can . . . .

"Corporations are people, my friend" is a quote from Mittens Romney that keeps being blasted ad nauseum on our airwaves.  "Hmmm," my sick, twisted inner voice says. "Wonder how you kill a corporation. Will it bleed?"  My sane, rational self has joined in at this point: "BP bleeds. It bled all over the Gulf of Mexico,"  my rational self opines.  "NO!" my sicko self says. "That was Mother Earth bleeding, and BP caused it. BP should die."  Good point.  "No, when corporations bleed, they bleed money - that's how you know they hurt."  My sicko self has a definite intellectual edge over my rational, compassionate self. But, then, it has a legal education, so that only stands to reason.

"How do you make a corporation bleed?" I asked my twisted self.  We collaborated at this point. You can revoke its charter. It's not done very often. There's a pretty good article (the best I could find) that dates back to 2001, in IREASON (Killing Corporations by Jesse Walker http://reason.com/archives/2001/07/01/killing-corporations). In truth, killing corporations involves litigation, which involves lawyers and which does not involve corporations bleeding money fast enough and long enough for my taste. I will say this in favor of the death by litigation tactic - it rarely results in death, but it usually results in wishing for death as a something preferable to litigation. An advocate for children once said "From the perspective of my inner child, I would rather be raped than go to court - it doesn't hurt as much and and it doesn't last nearly as long."  So, for the sole purpose of causing pain, litigation might be your choice.

But for  me, I want blood. And litigation for corporations doesn't get that for me. Not even close. After spending my life working for the man, working for myself, working, and spending more than I made for decades, life presented me with what I saw as no other choice but to just drop out, walk away, do something else. It's what I always really wanted to do anyway, and frankly, I'm better at being a slacker than I ever was at working for a living. Somehow (meaning I have really awesome friends who help me figure out ways to help them in return for things like cash and other stuff that improve my physical circumstances) I have a roof over my head, indoor plumbing, a beautiful lake outside my window, love, food, a dog, a car, my rent and utilities paid with a little cash left over at the end of the month. Never in all my working life did I do this well.

What I don't do is spend all of my money supporting large corporations. Ah, the other way to hurt corporations. They don't generate their own blood (money). We give money to them. If we stop giving money to them, it's almost like bleeding. If the influx of blood (money) stops, they die. If you want to kill a corporation, cut off its blood (money) supply. Do it. Today. Every way you can. Pass it on.

Say You Want A Resolution . . .

My big resolution for 2012 is to have a better relationship with food. I don't like the size I've grown up to be and in examining that fact, I've decided to examine how I treat food and how food treats me. Let's fact it, the primary relationship of my life has been with food. typical of me, that hasn't always been healthy.

First on my list is to waste no food. I throw away enough food to save the lives of several small children in Africa. Ok. Several LARGE children and a few adults. If there's such a thing as sin, that's it in my book. Plants and animals sacrifice their lives so I can toss them in a landfill. Not good. Not nice. I am pleased to say that so far this year, I haven't tossed out food.

My next focus is simple nutrition. It's bizarre that I eat food that contains no nutritional value. Okay, true popcorn is a whole grain, but in all honesty it's just filler. Something to eat to be eating. Even celery can fill that void, but at least it qualifies as a vegetable and contains Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Pantothenic Acid, Calcium, Magnesium and Phosphorus, and a very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin K, Folate, Potassium and Manganese. Sheesh, it's a virtual vitamin with zero calories. Hmm, I wonder how it tastes with butter?