Thursday, June 23, 2011

Dry Spells

I've been going through a long, difficult dry spell. Oh, sure, I've done some work this year, but not as much as prior years. And I've done a lot more the last few months, so I think I'm gearing up over all. The last three years, in fact, have been slow. I keep finding other things I need to do. I'm there today as well. I really, really, really want to paint. It's raining and it's the perfect storm for color and brush to dance over some available surface. But, I can't paint the way things are right now. I have no choice but to deal with the clutter in my environment.

It's a mess. I cleaned my closet and now I find myself going back there and just standing there looking at it, admiring the tidiness, cherishing the orderliness of it all. My sock drawer - I can't even open it, lest I disturb all the matched companions nestled there so snugly. I confess I love, admire, envy tidy people. But, the truth is, I'm just not one of them. Oh, yeah, I make a big deal out of OCD being a disorder, just as bad as messy hoarding, but I'm just jealous.

I want to do what I did to my closet to the rest of my living area, but I just can't figure out where to start. I tried starting on the porch, but I needed to clean things, which meant doing the dishes first. Dishes are now done, but they need to dry and be put away to make room for the next load. It's always something. I'm not naturally tidy, or neat. What my bff doesn't know (or hasn't shared with me that she ever suspected) is that I am currently about the tidiest I have ever been in my life. I feel like I've come so far for so long, that I just need to rest on my laurels a while. But, I can't. The clutter really does crawl right up my last nerve and admonish me to do better.

That's the thing with self improvement. You are just never quite done. Small success begs for a bigger victory. A tidy sock drawer double dog dares for a clean, uncluttered desk. A human's work is never done.

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